Category: Dating and Relationships
I like this person who is much too old for me now, but he will not b in a couple of years. He's everything I want in a boyfriend. He's a great listener, talker, and he makes me feel better when I'm down. When I am of age, I promised myself I will date him, but I 'm worried about my dad's reaction when that day comes.
I still think it is not a matter of age, but a matter of maturity. There are people who are much older than I, but act childish. And there are people who are in my age or even yougger who are really mature. You can't just avoid falling in love with someone. It just happens, and age doesn'T matter to me.
By the time that you are of age, you can make your own decisions as to who you can date. By then, if you are still in love with him, and he, with you. Give it a chance. Neither of you can be held accountable for the year each of you were born.
Hi, all. I think it's about each individual, what you bring to each other, etc, not about age. Unfortunately, society often holds very strong beliefs about how old two people should be. I guess in my mind, as long as both are over 18 and consenting adults, then they can do whatever the hell they want. If you love this person, and you still love them when you are of consenting age, then more power to you and them.
I don't think age is a big deal. Hell! People have been dating much older people for a long time. I don't know why it's such a big deal now all of a sudden.
Well, see, my dad's 13 years older than my mom. That means he was 13 years old when she was born. It's kind of icky when you think of it that way, but ... they both met when they were well over 18 years old, so I guess it was no big deal. Age doesn't really matter to me. It's about how the person compares to me in maturity level. I dated someone once who was only four years older than me, but I felt like he could have been an older brother or something, the way he always seemed to talk down to me and never take me seriously. Now I'm dating someone only three years older than me, and we seem to be on the same level ... well, most of the time. Obviously, the older one is, the more experience one brings to the relationship (usually anyway), so he knows more, but that's OK.
All that to say age really shouldn't matter. It sucks that it does.
sam, don't worry about what others say/think. if things're still the same in a couple years, go for it, you've got nothing to lose!
I agree with Chelsea.
My girlfriend is 20 years older than I am. When we got together we new we would have some differences and we do. You can not though just not fall for someone. Some things just happen and you will suffer some critism and family drama.
my parents are 18 years apart. They have been married for 25 years now, so age doesn't matter.
Like everyone has said, age is just a number. Indeed it is the maturity levels of the two.
As for the parents, that is s very scary process-- I know first hand.
My advice to you regarding them? You'll be of age, you can make your own decision, sit down and try calmly telling them about this partner, and hope for the best.
good luck
I know how this story goes, and the person I'm dating is only two years and four months older than me, give or take a bit. I agree with Cala--sit down and try talking to your parents about the situation and the guy you're dating, and hope for the best. If that's not what you get, decide which is more important, your relationship or how your family feels about it. Ultimately, it should be about making yourself happy, and I wish you the very best of luck. Parents can be tricky.
one parent would probably be ok with it, and the other parrent's against it.
Yup. That's about right. Thanx, Guys. That helped. No maturity doesn't matter to me, but maturity does. If that makes any ssense. We're both mature but immature at the same time. Lol
I wish you well, and if you and he choose to be together when you are of age, good luck to you both.
The age difference between fifteen and eighteen is much greater than twenty-five and twenty-eight, for example. Even though they are both three years apart. At fifteen, you are maturing quickly whereas a guy who is eighteen has almost completed his maturation stage. It's kind of like comparing a three year old with a six year old. The six year old person is much bigger, knows much more about the world around them, and is much more civilized than a three year old.
Your parents (if they object to the age difference) are partly rightt, but not for the reasons you probably believe. As a parent I would worry about a child (all off-springs are children forever) want to date someone older, because I would know that at this time such a difference might bring pain (both emotional and psychological) that the maturity difference could bring. Notice, I said maturity difference, rather than age difference.
Anyway, just my thoughts.
Bob
Age can make a difference, but it in and of it's self is not a deal breaker, or at least it shouldn't be.
None of us knows how long we will live. I think age shouldn't be a determining factor for a relationship. There are many other more important issues like values, interests, and life style.
YAY, I gots the open-minded-ist mommy. Oh, and mommy? I've just met this great guy. He's intelligent, funny and his grand kids think I'm the balm. rofl
Ha!
Anyway, as long as all parties are legal, I don't think age should be a deciding factor in whether or not you have a relationship with a person. You love who love, no matter their age, race or culture.
Yeah, go 'manda.
Thanks. And I meant to say "You love who you love." I'm really good at that whole typing/proofreading thing...
Hey, at least you proofread. Almost no-one on here does that. Hint. Hint. all.
As someone who has dated someone significantly older than me, age *shouldn't* matter, but it does. We connected, we fell, and we loved. What I learned is that the older person had a lot of societal issues. What did they think of her? Add to that the fact that we are both women, and we got a lot of infuriating mother/daughter assumptions. Freud is *not* my friend. I'd say, look at your maturity levels and the amount of interests and values that you have in common. Try it, but know that one of you may feel disconnected based on your experience or lack thereof with relationships and life at some point. Having seen my ex recently, my observation is that she is very mature in terms of relationships and financial stability, but emotionally, I'm decades ahead of her.
Good luck.
I do't think it's an issue, i'm currently 22, but dating a 16 year old, ut we love one another very much.
relationships suck. never get in one.
dating guys a year or two years older than me is so much better than dating guys that are younger. Guys that are a little older are more mature when it comes to compromising, and dealing with conflicts and they don't rush into those emotional rush that young guys do. For short, they are more responsible than the younger guy.
I personally like dating older men over younger men. In fact, I would even much rather date someone who was older than me rather than someone my same age. For instance, I dated someone who was 10 years older than me a few years back and found myself getting along much better with them, emotionally and things like that, as opposed to the year before when I was dating someone a year younger than me. The one thing I did notice though, is with the age factor comes barriers in what you guys like to do, for instance, chris is 26, and I'm 22. Chris obviously has grown out of his party and drink till the mornin' phase, as opposed to me always wanting to go out and have a good time. So in conclusion, even though age is in theory, just a number, you may also want to see how much of an affect it will play on your relationship, and the things you will want to or be able to do together.
Glad this post exists and that so many of you are open to age gap relationships. I love older men too. I'm 23 but would really only consider a guy if he was 30 and older. My boyfriend is 62 and we truly love each other. Someone asked me if he's rich, and I said in money no, but in love, he's a billion heir. He treats me exactly how I want to be treated, he respects me but still knows how to have fun. We have tons of things in common and are always finding little ways to please each other or make each other laugh. His experience really shows in the way he acts and how he handles responsibility. We can agree to disagree at times and he never ever sees me as a "blind person" but excepts me for who I am. And no, he does not take viagra and yes, he is amazing in bed... Sorry, but I was actually asked those questions. So I think that as long as the relationship is between mentally competent adults it's ok, no matter the age difference.
I've always liked older man, but when it's someone who has children my age, I can't see myself with him.
Now the reason I'm saying this is, because there is someone who I like but I know we can't be more than friends.
hell, I say damn age, and go for it, in all things, age doesn't mean anything, so don't let it stop you, as long as your both over 18 at the least.
If you worry about age difference, you will only deny yourself happiness. Judging and saying that someone is so and so because he or she is older or younger is, in my opinion, immature.
I say that the age does not matter in any way, neither do looks, disability differences, social status, or distance. If your heart of hearts says yes, go for it! Enjoy all you have and don't dwell on what you don't have.
Thanks eveyone for posting. I will keep holding out for hope. now if I could only type, that'd be grand. Lol
There was a time when I thought age mattered more than it does. I am 17 years older than my soon-to-be husband and have never been happier in a relationship. Yes, there are some generational differences, but none that matter significantly. If, when the time is right you both feel the same way I echo the posts of many others, go for it and enjoy the richness of a loving relationship, no matter what others may say.
LOL, guess I'm just repeating...But, my husband and I are 9.5 years apart, and we've been married and/or engaged for a total of 11 years. I was 19 when we got together, and he was almost 29.
Good luck kittie.
I guess I’ll agree with everyone else. My wife is 7.5 years older than me, and we have been dating/married now for 17 years. My mom once told me that she wished my wife and I had met earlier in life, like when we were in school. I told her that if we had, I’d been the coolest kid in 6th grade, because my girlfriend would have had boobs and could buy beer. Needless to say, my mom changed her mind and decided we probably met at the right time after all.
Well, I'm still 24 but my boyfriend is now 63 and we're still as crazy as ever. I keep telling him the older he gets the more I'll want him. *smile*
God you guys are sooo wonerful. Thank you for all the support I'm getting. I'm sti praying, hoping, and dreaming. In 6 months, I'll be 18, yay, and even if we can't be together yet, we'll still hang out and be the best of friends, like we are now, and I love watching people try to change it because they struggle and they can't change it no matter what they do.
ok i have never dated a guy who is way older then me, but i can tell u that its what u love and who u love. who cares when u r of age and want to date someone who is way older or the same sex or someone who has a lot of problems. i just think the socity is way to picky about those things.
I agree that older guys are usually more experienced and mature. I've seen it go both ways though. My boyfriend is only a year older than me, but we have a very respectful and loving relationship. My ex was 2 years older than me, though, and he acted (and still does, we're still friends) like 1 10 year old or something. But I agree with what everybody else has said, if you love someone, age won't matter, and when the time is right, you'll know it was meant to be.
It seems as if everyone is ok with dating someone older, yet not ok with dating someone younger. There are allot of posts that talk about how being with an older person may bring a bit more maturity to the relationship. Here is the thing, how would you think the older person would answer this post?
I can date someone much older than myself, but not in a serious way. I know that my goals will not match theirs, and that my interests will not be theirs, and eventually, those things will get in the way of a serious relationship.
As for dating someone younger, one might say that the same may apply.
Just to throw this out there, women mature mentally, faster than men do, but it all starts to even out at around 25 or 26. After that, we are all pretty much on the same level. Sure, there are some people who are immature, but that's do to a lack of intellectual, social, and personal growth, and not just psychological, or biological maturity.
Age does matter, and anyone who thinks it doesn’t will be in for a rude awakening.
That doesn’t mean that one should not be with someone younger, or older, but that one should be aware of all the problems that they might face, but more importantly, one must be aware of the type of relationship that they plan to have with this person.
Waking up one morning and being proposed to at age 19, by a 30 year old guy is just a bit scary, for example…
So, know who you are with, and know why you are with them.
And how do you know that their experiences will necessarily be different than yours? With age comes experience yes, but that isn't always the case. As a 17 year old, I've gone through a lot of experiences that older peopl have even sai that they ha't gone through. Age does matter in some instances, but not to me.
As a 17 year old, you may have reached a level of intellectual maturity that is greater than allot of adults, but remember, your chronological age is still 17, and there are still concepts that a 17 year old cannot understand, and by that I mean that psychologically, biologically, the brain isn't developed fully and therefore those concepts are very hard to grasp at that age.
An older person may be able to grasp these comments, and one could say that they have an advantage in the relationship because of this.
And this does not mean that being older, means being smarter, so I don't want any virtual shoes thrown at my head over this comment.
But just in case, I'm keeping a look out...
age when a teenager is a big thing because it could be illigal but after commin of age it should not matter cuz ull be an adalt and noone can tell you whats wrong or not
once again my friend, r parents will never be happy with whom we decide to date. DAddy will throw his fit, stick to your guns, and if this guy really cares about u as mutch as u care about him, that will give your parents the message. Love comes in many ages, sizes, shapes, and rasis my friend.
well said Tom 3 of 5.
it's to bad hat dating someone mutch older or yunger has been made a tabu, my friends join me in to making this not so mutch as a tabu, love comes in all shapes and sizes, and maturity levels.
i thought that i wood just add my little bit for what its worth.
when i was 17 i was seeing a 32 year old, we got on we had fun, i loved him, and he me, but he broke it off for my own good, because there were still things in life i had to experience. we have hooked up again, he is now 42 and i'm 27, things haven't changed to much, i still love him and all ways will, but unfortunatlly we'll never be together.
things haven't changed too much, i have lost the inpolsiveness of youth, and i am more comfortable with our situation. we have missed out on being together but it doesn't mean every one has too, he doesn't treat me any different because of my sight or because i'm yonger than him. my thing is, don't give up like i did and let some one that could be the best thing that ever happened to you walk away, if your inlove and happy with eachother, then it doesn't matter.
if your friends before hand that will help hugely, as you no more about him than you wood if you just met, i agree with the others, sit down and talk to your parents as an adult, they will respect you for that alone. if it is ment to be sam it will, good luck.
One of the best relationships I've had so far was with a guy who is six years older than me, when we were together, i was 19 and he was 25, I thought that the relationship woud've been a little better because he was older, so I thought he'd be more mature than guys my age, and I was unfortunately wrong, age means nothing to me, its all about maturety in my book, because of the emotional things we'd gone through, I did learn a lot from this relationship. But I personally feel more comfortable with someone who's a little more mature than myself rather than worry about their age.
When I fell for a guy who is quite a few years older than me, I realized that the question of age limit is up to each individual. I guess it helps that I'm a little more mature than a lot of people my age. And then there are people who stay immature well into their 40's. So yeah, maturity has a lot to do with it. But if you fall for someone for the right reasons, then go for it, and to hell with what anyone says to you against it, especially if you're an adult and can make your own decisions.
Becky
I'm sorry but that's just a case of the nasties.
Think of it this way:
You'd be stuck taking care of him when he's older...and your still yung and now yur life is ruined.
Yuck.
Um, well, that's definitely insensitive. But to each their own, I guess. But seriously, if you love someone, why would it ruin your life to take care of them when they're elderly? It's called loving someone enough to stick with them through old age.
if you really love someone, don't let the age be the deciding factor, and don't let other people tell you whether its right or wrong.
When it comes down to it, its what you as a person want, not what others think you need.
Yeah, everyone has limits to what they want, so the best thing is to know what you want, and stick with it.
Hey...I'm not trying to be insensitive here.
I said your life would be ruined because...well, to put it bluntly, someone closer to your age group may want to take a crack at you. It's the way it works.
Oh well, too bad for them. If you love your aging significant other enough, you won't feel that giving up younger prospects to take care of him/her is a sacrifice. It's all part of love. That's common sense.
I see your point...however I must point out that there is no such thing as common sense.
I must disagree.
Oh? So you are so closed-minded that you believe what you view as common sense is shared by everyone else?
That is a shame. I hope you were just beeing sarcastic.
To add to my statement:
Love could certainly not be "common sense" as we all have our own views on the subject.
Try to keep an open mind.
um? saying there's no such thing as common sence is like saying there is no such thing as logic. your special..
but at the same time, it's selfish to make yourself that older person who wants to be with a younger person, your setting them up for heartbreak. why would you wanna do that is my question. there's gotta be a limit. like yeah my dad is 12 years older then my mom and i thought that was weird at first, but i'd flip the fuck out if she was like 30 years younger instead. ug
what if your just as young lover ends up in an accident, and you have to take care of them... just because you have to take care of them will you just say here you're in a wheel chair and in a diper so I'm going to find someone who's not? that's a twisted way to look at things. Love is love, marriage the promise is for ever.
I most certainly was not being sarcastic. I don't believe that everyone should have the same views on everything, but there are just some things that make sense, no matter how you look at them. If you can't see that, then maybe you're the one whose closed-minded.
It seems we're always going to clash on this subject so let's agree to disagree.
At the moment I am going through a pretty confusing time.
I'm 29 and the guy I like is 63. We actually work together, and ever since we met, we always had a very close connection. He's always let it be known that he likes me more than a friend, but I purely just saw him as a very good friend but nothing more could ever happen cos of the age difference, so didn't have those extra feelings at all.
I use to be of that same opinion that it just wouldn't work because chances are they'd get sick or go before us, and then what are we to do?
However, recently he had a minor stroke, and I started to see him in a new way. feelings grew, and all of a sudden, the age thing didn't worry me. Sure, I (and he alike) can't understand why the world made us ages apart, but what could we do?)
So now, I have feelings for him, and am planning to tell him this when he comes back to work. Problem is, he's married and has been for forty years. It's certainly against my morrals to get in-between them, even though he's not happy there.
so basically, i don't think anything can happen, even though we both want it too! -- too many things at steak unfortunately! who would accept us, especially if the mariage broke up; everyone will think I was the cause.
Tiff, What was your Mum's initial reaction?
Cheers!
Right ... what the fuck, Margorp. This is insane. You mock Inu-Princess for her supposed closed mindedness on her feelings regarding love and common sense calling it nasty. Then, you turn around and preach that she should keep an open mind, while at the very same time ridiculing her opinions about love and age?
Love is blind. the pure love will never look at anything, you know. sisteen or sixy, black or white, that doesn't matter. if it is legal, if you both are ok with one another, go go rock the life!
Raaj
Yes, thank you Raaj and ArtRock (lol-sorry, don't think I know your name).
And Rachel, I think your name is, this is getting into another topic entirely, but I wanted to put in my 2 cents' worth. Of course you must make your own decision, and I can't force my morals on you, but I've seen firsthand that getting involved with people who are attached only leads to intense pain. My advice is, wait until the marriage is over. And if he says he's happier with you than with his spouse but refuses to leave her, then it won't work.
Becky
Okay I actually wasn't mocking anyone so I don't know where you got that.
That was certainly not my intention.
Getting back on topic:
In my opinion 20-somethings and 60-somethings shouldn't mix.
Answering different posts here, so putting the numbers and names before them.
43. Ok Sure
I agree that it's important to be aware of the problems and the type of relationship you want. spiros is in very good health now, thank The Gods. But we've also seriously discussed what would happen to him should he become ill. I asked if he'd let me take care of him and he said yes. I'm sure I wouldn't be so serious about this if he was just a friend or even a friend with benefits, but since we're committed to each other, it's important for me to know what I might need to do in the future. Also, I do need to understand that even if he remains healthy, he'll go before me, and as hard as that is to swallow, I do need to live with that knowledge.
50. rosey bear
That's very sad about your relationship. I sincerely hope that never happens to me. The only thing he's said is that he's hesitant about marriage because of our age difference but I can live with that so long as we're together. Mom is making me hide it from Joanie (her partner) and that is driving me crazy. But I think deep down, she knows and just isn't saying anything. I mean, Spiros lives with me.
53. margorp
I can't agree with that. For me, taking care of him is part of our life. It wouldn't be a burden and while I am sacrificing, it's done out of love. I would never leave him just because he wasn't a spry as he was when we first met, just as he'd never leave me should something happen on my end.
54. Inu-Princess2006
Thank you. Well said.
57. Inu-Princess2006
Again, you're right. Why should I care if a younger guy wants me. My problem now might be if an older one does! jk But seriously, I wouldn't be thinking of anything but my partner's health if he were sick.
62. Caribbean_Princess17
Why, as that older person, should you deny yourself the opportunity of being with someone who loves you? Furthermore, why, as the younger person should you miss out on that? I'd be devastated if my bf decided to break up with me just cause I'm younger than him.
66. rdfreak
I'm glad to find someone who's in my situation and excepting it but it's sad that he's still married and living with her. If they were separated it might be different, but not this way. As hard as it may be, I think it's best to discuss it and to see where you stand. Unhappy as he may be, he may not be willing to leave his wife. If that's the case, it'll only cause you pain and grief if you stay with him. Sorry there friend. To answer your question, MOm knew I wanted to be with an older guy. She was disgusted at first, and though she still isn't exactly thrilled, she's actually come to love Spiros. She respects him cause he treats me well and she's very nice to him. But she's still secretive with her partner, as I've said, and Gods forbid any of her friends/acquaintances find out about us. I don't like it but at least it's not as bad as it could be.
hey tiff, don't apologize; I know exactly what you mean, and I have exactly the same concerns.
I am going to talk to him next week, and tell him everything, and we'll take it from there.
Thanks girl! :)
Not a problem. Good luck with everything. *smile*
Rachel, I wish you the best of luck; I hope it works out the way you want it too.
Tiffanitsa, I'm sorry your mom feels the need to ask you to keep your relationship a secret. I hope there comes a time when that weight can be lifted. Best of luck to you as well.
Namaste,
Becky
thanks Tiff and Becky,
I think I know it's not going to work; as I say, too many things at steak, but will see what happens. :)
lol...It's obvious I'm the only one who feels the way I do about age and relationships...perhaps I'm just bitter. lol.
Ah well, whatever makes you happy.
Age doesn't make any difference in a relationship. I've been going out with Kris for 2 months now. I'm 25, he's 31, but he doesn't feel it matters, I don't feel it matters and we don't see why we shouldn't be in a relationship together even with a 6 year 2 month age gap between us. Its just like he's 25, same as me, but he isn't, he turned 31 last September and I turned 25 in November. No matter, no worries, its just how things stand.
My uncle since splitting with his first wife after 15 years of marriage has now dated two girls with a lot more than 6 years between them. Linda, the first girl he went out with an was about to marry, is just 2 years older than me and my uncle is 44, 17 years her senior. I think Astrid, the girl he's dating now, in in her 20sor 30s as well.
Jen.
Yet again, it has been a looooooong time since I've looked at this. I'm 18 now, and no matter what anyone says, I can officially go after what I want. Unfortunately, I may've said this, but guy in question has a gf. No no he didn't leave me or abandon me or anything. I was the idiot. I fucked up big time there, and he has since forgiven me for it. Thank God. He's still my best friend, and I'd honestly kick his ass if he left her,, and I do plan to kill her if she hurts him. They're both very close to me, and I love them to death. It's so hard to see them together some times, but I have an ace up my sleeve. This guy and I are more than friends... more than lovers even. We are each other's keepers, guardian angels, we know where the other is at all times pretty much, we know what each other's doing, we finish each other's sentences, I'm the first person he calls in the morning and the last at night, and me vise versa, we know each other's deepest darkest secrets, we know our likes and dislikes down to like the smallest most concise details, we like 99% of the same things, with the exception of me liking country music, we're kinda like the same person sometimes, we're both huge movie quoting dorks, and even his gf is ok with our closeness. That huge whole big statement does not even mask how close we actually are. It goes a lot deeper than all those things I just wrote. It's hard to find something like that in a person. Super duper hard. Harder than a lot of people know. I couldn't see myself with anybody else... Ever. I'm waiting for him, and people will and have told me that I'm crazy, but when I think about it, it''s not that crazy at all. Which brings to mind a scene from on of our favorite movies "Sleepless In Seattle." Meg Ryan's character is watching "An Affair to Remember" in a hotel in Seattle and talking to her best friend played by Rosey ODonnell on the phone. She says to her friend, "Becky, is this crazy?" Rosey replies, "No. That's the weirdest part about it." It's not that crazy, and to a lot of people who don't know our whole entire history, which not many people do, it's super nuts, but to the ones who have lived through it with us first hand, they don't think it's that weird. Ok. That was long as hell. Sorry.
Age ain't nothing but a number. As for your dad, as long as you r of age it doesn't really matter what he says that decission is totally up to you. You can date anyone u want as lond as u r of age. Besidesides, older guys r much more mature than these yund dudes anyway and they have more experience.
Well, here's my take on it:
I dont think age should be a factor because I know of people that are 40 years old, and still act like they're 20! Not to say I'm the most mature person out there, but I do try to recognize behaviors that may not be normal to a particular age.
Now I personally would not want to date someone too much older than me, because I prefer to have the same interests, mind frame, etc. I do like guys who are older than me but I think a certain limit would be appropriate..
Not to say this should apply to everyone, though, to each his or her own, but to think a person was at least 10 when I was born? Ug!
But as for the original question, if you love the person, by all means, go for it! It shouldn't matter what your parents say if you're at legal age, etc.
I think age should only matter when you're a minor, only because that's against the law, and just that the way society views that is very closed.
I had an experience when I was 16, i dated a guy 5 years older than me, and granted the guy still acted young, and I a little older, there was no way it could have worked, with me still as a minor, and us being at a school for the blind, and I definitely didn't want it publically known about us, because of my fear of being judged by my family, friends, etc, but that goes for a whole new board topic.
All of this to say, everyone has had their experiences, so just go for what your heart tells you, that's all you can do!
I actually have to say I agree with ok sure's comments on this matter.
So what, age matter why? I under the underage, but if you are over age and you love someone who is older by a lot, I still do not see anything wrong.
Now, as long as you share values and can be bonded to one another that is.
I have been talking recently about the issues that have come up for me when dating someone significantly older. As I said in my last post, age only goes so far to bridge the gap in maturity. With my ex, she was more shallow and focused on what others thought than I ever would have imagined. For her, although people in society make a lot of assumptions about a blind and sighted couple regardless of age, she felt that the stares and assumptions were about her. You know the ones: we're asexual, the person with us is a caretaker, god forbid we date or gasp, might be gay! It's something she was never able to reconcile though, partially because she lacked so much of her own self confidence. Years later, I'm pretty sure she's still with a woman who is closer to her in age.
Now, I am in a rocky spot after 2 years with another older woman. I swore that I would have age rules, in large part due to the issues I had in the last relationship. I found myself feeling apologetic for my age, wishing myself older. I shouldn't have to wish for things that I cannot change in order to be seen as good or suitable enough for someone else. To make a long story short, when I met my current girlfriend with 2 adolescent sons, I told her what I'd faced and flat out gave her some of the ridiculous quotes and assumptions I've faced. For her, as someone who works with small children and is raising teenage boys at an age that is generally a bit older than most other mothers of the same age group, it seemed to balance us out somehow. Ultimately though, we face some of the same issues. People still make caretaker assumptions, and she chalks it purely up to age rather than a lack of awareness about people with disabilities. It is hard to find balance and commonality sometimes as she works through her life path being wrecked by the end of an 18 year relationship while I work to get my career off the ground. I thought that age and long-term relationship experience would demonstrate stability and communication, but that has more to do with personal work and growth and less to do with age.
Ultimately, age shouldn't be an issue, but you have to be aware that it will affect things. From the interests you each have to communication styles, being on very different places on your life path and baggage from past relationships, it's not easy. I can try to be supportive and caring all day long, but I can't undo the damage that being left after 18 years has done for her, and I can empathize but do not share the exact same experiences. Can it work? I hope so. It takes work, openness, communication and a lot of determination on both sides, though.
Well for some age matters and for some it does not. It's all about personal preferance.
I've dated men 12 + 13 years older than myself. Have you ever read Dr. Barbara DeAngelis Ph.D.'s "Are You the One for Me"? I would HIGHLY RECCOMMEND it. She explains the possible complications of dating someone more than 10 years older than yourself, including you may feel more like you are in a parent/child relationship. If you two can talk to one another, and you don't feel as if you are being parented or overprotected by an older brother, take a chance. it's a risk like any other relationship.
As for my two older boyfriends, the one 12 years older was very patronizing and like an emotionally abusive parent, plus was alcoholic and simply "drying out", didn't even go for any professional help until our relationship was almost over, the one 13 years older I wouldn't be surprised if he was one of the tiny percent of sociopaths. He just didn't care about anyone's level of comfort, or limits, or society's rules, he cared about himself only. Buy your own copy of the book so you can evaluate all of your relationships. Dr. Barbara is a really neat lady. Good luck...
Well, it's been awhile since my last post to this thread and Spiros and I will be celebrating our three year anaversery next month. We're still as in love as ever. He no longer lives with me but that's only because he had to be closer to his job. The traffic was driving him crazy! We see each other almost every weekend and talk on the phone every night. I can honestly say that I've never experienced the problem of feeling like he's acting as a parental figure to me nor that he's taking advantage of me. Everything is equal and there's open communication between us at all times. We both learn alot from one another and know how to make each other happy, even when no one else can. I'm very lucky to have him in my life and wouldn't have it any other way. The only thing about which I can complain is that he sometimes does things for me when I don't need him to do so. For example, he'll wash the dishes when he knows that I'm fully capable. I used to think this was only because of my blindness, an while I still think it's a factor, I'm starting to realise that maybe he just wants to do nice things for me. Still, I've told him how it's important to let me do things for myself and he's starting to get better about it, so long as I remind him. But I also get to do things for him and that helps balance things out.
Ah, that is good that you have such mutual respect. Now personally I wouldn't do an age gap relationship but that is just me. Live and let live is my philosophy.
I'd rather stay in my age range but I'm not going to judge someone else for dating someone older than themselves.
I here ya.
It has been pointed out that older people basicly bet sick, so you must take care of them. It happens to younger people as well and some even die at say 30. That is up to God. Some older people are vital in to their 90's some younger people are vital in to their 40's I think that the legal issue should be taken care of and you wait tell she or he is legal age, but after that it doesn't matter. You mary someone the same age or dclost and you divorce too, so staying with someone thell the are old isn't promised either. Love whom you do and enjoy life because tomorrow is not promised to anyone old or young. Smile.
Ooh, I love that post! Thanks. And I have to agree with you. No one really knows what will happen in life. So if someone chooses a younger partner only to avoid sickness or death, they're really cheating themselves out of something that could be the best thing that ever happened to them, or at the very least, out of a new experience.
I of course see your point but I think the general consensus is that older people are naturally more prone to such things.
True, but why should I deny myself the opportunity of being with one. Someone could fall in love with a young person with a terminal illness or with a history of certain illnesses in the family. The chances of something happening to people in those situations are just as high.
You could fall in love with a perfectly healthy person and they come down with cancer or something like get killed by a car. As I say life is odd and tomorrow is not promised to anyone, so forget all the what if's and maybes, and enjoy.
It's not just about possible illness as we could all be struck down with something. We are often shown that sticking to our age group is the way to go. Now as I say, people are free to do as they will, I am just trying to shed some light here.
Well then I like my women old. 90 and up at least. Oh and rich too. hahaha.
lol
I've always dated guys older than me. Like it's be said here. Age is just a number. It's how mature that counts. You'll like who you like, you'll fall in love with who you do. :d
Haha, it's always seemed more weird to me that women are going for men so much younger than them. Not too surprising, though. Just the fact that they have no money and nothing to offer but a hot body. Someimes that ain't always the case. I have no problem with men younger than me as long as they're legal. 18 to about 40ish is OK. I don't want an old man either. I wanna be able to grow old with him. I'll do a 50 year old male model if I'm drunk enough, though. hahaha
this sounds like an old topic? anyway my old man was 24 years older than my mother; when I was born my old man was 55 and mommy 31!
but who cares. in a lot of eastern countries and asian countries there's often 50 years difference but unfortunately in those countries the females don't get a choice or a say in the matter!
It's as old as my daughter, but that doesn't bother me. Personally I guy in the teens older than me, o k such a man can be quite attractive actually. But 20+ years older is a bit over the top, plus if they've had that many more years to live reckless lifestyles, you're probably more likely to be widowed. For example actor Michael Douglas is 25 years older than his wife, had more years not only to drink and smoke but apparently his stage 4 throat tumor also tested positive for human papilloma virus (HPV, the only source I know to test males is throat biopsies). This had to put considerably more strain on his wife mentally, hence her seeking treatment for bipolar. Even this can vary from person to person...anyone remember Annie Potts of designing women? She preceded her husband, Hal Holbrook, 15 years her senior, in death from a female cancer at 70. You just never know. If it seems like it's worth taking a risk on, maybe it is, and one way or another it may or may not go well just like any relationship.
as long as that girl is legal, having a matured mind, matured activities, and maturity in all kinds, I don't mind... only if she's accepting me wholeheartedly.
Raaj
My dad was 20 years older then my mom and after they divorced my mom had a boyfriend that was 10 years younger then her.
So age to me is rather pointless. As Dinesh stated as long as the woman is of legal age and mature then I really dont care.
I think that too, if the woman is of age and mature whose business is it but the couples.
i think that age doesn't matter but you must love the person then you can fall in love
Wow lots of people don't seem to be bothered by age. Age is more than just a number. I mean, you'd date someone who breaks down faster so to speak? lol.
I end to agree. I was engaged four years ago to a woman four years older than me and se could be shockingly immature at times especially when it came to her kids. THen theyear before that I dated a girl six years younger than me annd you'd have tought she was older because of how she handled herself. And out of all the women I've dated se was the one who made the best impression on my folks. She's also one of only a few of my x's that I've been able to stay on good terms with.
As far as dating someone older than me: it ain't going to happen, I'm sixty-six and one of the senior members of the zone. <lol>
As far as having a relationship with someone younger: sure! Not just anyone younger than me, but someone whose interests and objectives line up with mine pretty well.
Remember, a relationship runs the gambit from friends to people madly in love. It's up to the people involved. If it's friendship: you can't have to many friends, no matter what their age is. If it's mutually shared love, then you can't fight it.
Anyway, that's my view.
Thanks.
Bob
I have a friend who is 7 years older. She is beautiful, but really she is dating someone else. She does like me, but I'm not sure if really she is the one!
Hmmm.
Very descriptive posts of your Margorp. :)
Yes I am certainly a wealth of information. lol.